I have decided to write these words as a kind of therapy. I feel it is best to put into words what it is I am planning to do. If I fail, let future generations know what it was that I had plColletted.  But if I succeed!  If I succeed!

    Brian left three weeks after I drove the stake through Collette's breast and snubbed out her brilliant life.  It was her decision and I honored my obligation by keeping my promise to kill  her.  Since that night, before the sun rose on a bleak rain-filled day, I felt the loss of her passing and life became less tolerable.  It became a chore at times, each day blurring as it led to the next.

    Gone were the visits to her past and the sights and sounds of her budding youth. Gone were the sounds of her pleasure and my mind felt lonely as her thoughts no longer resided there.  The comfortable blanket of her thoughts that had enveloped my conscious being and provided warmth was snubbed as easily as her life had been. 

    Ending her life began the downward spiral of my own demise.

    I drove Brian away, I realize that.  He had kept his happy demeanor, often coming into the master bedroom to bring me a meal or to offer me his throat to feed.  He had been quick with a smile or a laugh and had even begun to call me Master.  But it felt empty to me, forced and insincere.  Looking back, it was me that made it fell like that, Brian was being true to himself.  I envy him that.

    The day he left I screamed at him, calling him coward and worse.  But it was I who was the coward, afraid to face life without Collette there with me.  Each word I shouted to Brian in my impotent rage was actually my own mind tell me what I had become.  Yes, I was the coward and it was I that had turned my back on life, not Brian.

    If you can hear my thoughts, Brian, I am sorry.

    With Brian gone the castle that had been my home for almost two years felt like a tomb.  And in a way, I guess it was.  It was my tomb. I had secluded myself within the stone walls with only the candle light that danced in the gentle currents of air to be my companion.  It was a lonely, miserable existence brought on by my own self-pity and guilt.

    Yes, guilt.  I felt guilty, not for ending Collette's life, but for ending mine with that same wooden stake that had sent her into eternity.  Since that day I had secluded myself, driven Brian away, and basically died.  I was not living, I was merely being.  I was here, a nameless, faceless entity that would become nothing more than a fragment memory of the people that lived a few miles away.

    I could almost hear it in my mind.  "Didn't a vampire live in that castle?" A question asked.  "Centuries ago," the answer.  "What was his name?"  Another question.  "Collette, I believe," the reply. "It was a woman."   I would be a forgotten memory, only Collette remained.  The savior of the town from the merciless Friar Essex.  If I was remembered it would be with the solemn phrase, "I think she had help."

    I was nothing.  In death, Collette was so much more.

    And I needed her.  

    It was my guilt and loneliness that prompted my decision.  I hope that my plan works and that I will be reunited with Collette before the morning rises on another empty day.  

    Whoever finds these words, forgive my self-loathing and cowardice.  Remember that I had sought Collette out and she had helped to end the same feelings I was having now.  She had changed me, from a lonely mortal with thoughts of death and despair into a vampire that had been strong enough to face the wrath of an ancient vampire with vengeance on his mind.  She had completed me.

    And her death had unraveled my mind and now I once again felt like that mortal that had sought her out and requested passage into her home.  I felt lost and lonely and only be seeking her out again would I be healed.  She was what I needed to be whole and if I could not have her, then I would die trying.  

    Whoever reads these words, forgive me.  

* * * * *

    The sun sank below the horizon and I hoped that if my plan worked I would not see the following morning.  I finished writing my plan, my confession and therapy.  I rolled the scroll into a tube and sealed it with wax to help protect it from the elements as the centuries to come attacked the thick paper.  I set the scroll onto the sunken waterbed and with one last glance I left the room.

    I turned right, walking past the entryway and beyond the kitchen.  I entered the greenhouse and sank to my knees before the fountain where I had read Collette's diary aloud countless times.  I rested my face in my hands and wept quietly.  Tears ran from my eyes and I felt the wetness in my palms.  

    I was crying in grief and regret, but mostly I cried in fear.  What would happen to me if my plan did not work?  Would I be strong enough to live for centuries with this guilt weighing on me like a lead shroud?  I doubted it and that is why I cried.  I knew that if this did not work then I would take my own life and in eternity be alone.   

    And so I cried.  The water of the fountain sounded loud in my ears and an occasional splash would land on my hands.  The water was cool and clean and with luck before the sun rose on a new day my despair would be washed away by that falling spray.  

    With luck.

    I climbed to my feet and raised my head to look out of the glass roof and into the night.  Eternity spread before my eyes and in that black sky with the stars shining like Collette's eyes had as she had stood in the candle light with pleasure dancing over her beautiful face, I reached towards the heavens.

    "Please work," I said, my voice sounding frail.

    I closed my eyes and concentrated.  

    I exhaled sharply and reached into the past.

* * * * * 

    I stood alone and watched as a young girl approached.  She was short and thin and very pretty.  She had a black backpack slung over her shoulder that appeared to be a tad too heavy for her.  I stepped towards her and smiled.  I did not speak even though I tried.  My throat was closed tight as my memories mixed with my reality and I struggled to combine the two.  

    I continued to smile, trying to tell her that I would not hurt her.  She looked at me and her face fell as terror crept over her soft features.  I could hear her heart pounding in her chest and her mind, loud in my head, screamed, "run, run, run, run, run."  I reached out with my mind and softly held her.  I wondered if she could feel my hands on her and reasoned that she probably could.

    Three words escaped my lips, "you're the one," I whispered.  I released her and transformed myself into a mist.  It was her!  It was my Collette.  I watched as she ran towards her home and away from me and I knew that she was wondering if she had imagined me at all.  She had not imagined me, and that the heaven's above, I had not imagined her.  

     I visited her that night in her dreams, trying to introduce myself to her slowly, so as not to frighten her.  She was a strong child and not easily frightened, but if my plan was to work and I was to be with her forever, I could not risk harming her fragile mind and warm heart.  It was her and I was happy.

    I visited her each night as she slept, reading her thoughts and guiding her dreams.  She doubted my existence at times and at other times she knew I was real.  She was coming along nicely and I knew I would reveal myself in time.  I could not rush, could not risk jeopardizing my future by destroying Collette's past.  I would take my time and took solace in the fact that I was with my Collette again.

    I kept myself invisible as Collette visited her friend Isabelle.  I blanched as I realized what I must do, I must kill Isabelle and her family.  It was a part of Collette's past and had to remain to stay part of her future.  I did not want to, but history had to remain intact if Collette was to remain Collette.  

    I waited until the sun had set and knocked on the door of Isabelle's home.  Isabelle's father answered the door, a short, rotund man and his voice was deep when he asked, "yes?"

    "Hi," I said, smiling a fake smile, "I am here to discuss Isabelle's school work." A simple lie that progressed the future.

    "Please," he said, concern over his daughter immediately apparent, "come in."

    And the law was obeyed as I crossed the threshold into Isabelle's home.

    I fed.  I killed.  I lived.  

    I drained Isabelle's body of blood and nearly cried when she became a lifeless husk in my hand.  She was Collette's best friend and my own cowardice forced me to end her life.  I had read Collette's diary and knew what I must do, but that did not make it any easier.  I did what I had to do to save myself.  I was a coward and my actions proved it.

    With Isabelle dead and the funeral behind Collette I knew it was time to make her immortal and bring he back to me.  I would be there to guide her towards what she would become and when I did she would be back and mine again.  I did what I felt I had to do and nothing could stop me now.

    She lived in a wooden home with a solid oak floor.  The window above her comfortable bed was a hole with a shutter that was pulled into place with a stick affixed to the wall by a thick piece of twine.  The closet was a sliding door hung on a metal pipe.  

    Hiding in her closer, I looked on as Collette wrote in her diary.  She seemed perplexed when a sound like a raccoon climbing on leaves spilled from her closet.  I was the source of that sound, making noise to gain her attention. She looked up from her book, her head tilting to listen. I made the sound again, louder, making it sound like it was getting closer or more reckless.  Collette put her diary down, the last word unfinished and crossed the room.  

    She opened her closet door and I spoke, "silence."  I stepped from the closet and stood before the frightened form of Collette, my beautiful Collette.

    Collette tried to scream, I could see her face, the look of surprise and her mouth wide open in a voiceless scream.  She turned to run from the room when I spoke again, my  voice calm, "freeze." It dawned on me that I used the same word that Collette used to cause her "victims" to stop moving.  She had taught me and in turn I would teach her.  Immediately Collette's small form became motionless, her face still squinted with the scream stuck in her throat.

    "I won't hurt you, Collette," I said.   "You are to replace me," I said again, aping the words that had been written in her diary.

    Collette looked frail in her small body, lost and confused.  It amazed me that the powerful woman that Collette would become could be the same person as the small child standing frozen and mute in the false safety of her bedroom.  Her body held frozen, her voice stolen with a simple word she looked like a broken shell.

    "Don't worry, little one," I smiled, stepping into the lamp light and finally revealing my face. My eyes were shining with intelligence, but they held an underlying fatigue. It appeared as if I had been alive for a long time, the years showing on my tired face.

    I crossed to Collette's frozen form and lifted her gently.  I lowered her to her bed.  "You are to replace me, little one.  I will make the transition," he paused smiling, "as easy as I can.  Now shut your eyes."  My words were not my own, stolen from Collette's past to complete her future.  

    With the words her eyes drifted shut.  I placed my hands on her warm forehead, tilting her head back tenderly, baring her throat to my gaze.  I could feel the heat of her blood under my skin, could hear the viscous fluid coursing through her veins.   I bent forward, and with bared teeth and a sharp hiss I drank deep of Collette's young blood.  It tasted as I remembered and I nearly collapsed in happiness.

    Collette's body went flat, no longer looking taut like a coiled spring about to explode.  Her body went lifeless, collapsing into a weak slab of useless skin and muscle.  She lay limp as I fed on her blood.  I could hear the sucking sounds in my head, and I feel my throat dancing as he swallowed Collette's life's blood.  

   I pulled his mouth off her throat and two wounds were clearly visible with a small drop of blood seeping from the openings.  "Now, little one," I said, my voice sounding serene, "it is your turn."  I tilted my head to the side and bared my throat to her frozen form.  "Drink," he said.

    Collette sat bolt upright, the bedsprings squeaking loudly with the rapid motion.  Collette planted her teeth forcefully against my throat and she tore open my throat with her flat teeth.  She bit into my skin, her teeth tearing my neck open until the powerful liquid of his blood poured into Collette's mouth. She drank heavily, taking my blood, taking my strength, and taking my form.  With my blood filling her mouth she became one with the night, a vampire.  The blood gave her power and the blood gave her life.  She was reborn as a creature of the dark.

    She kept pulling my blood into her mouth, drinking deeply of the vampire's blood until she was powerful enough to break his hold.  She released her bite, pulling away from his torn throat.  "What did you do to me?"

    I explained that I had turned her into a vampire and that she would grow more powerful than me and with the exuberance of youth she said, "cool."

    I smiled and took her hand in mine, feeling connected to her as I had before I had destroyed her immortal form.  The circuit was complete, my plan finalized.  I exhaled sharply, my head throbbing with the effort of my task.  Eternity had been changed and once again I was by Collette's side.

    * * * * *

    And so it was that Collette and I became connected for eternity.  I visited her past and made her the vampire that she was and when it was time she drove the stake through my heart and ended my life.  

    But it was not the end.

    Centuries later I would be born and I would seek her out and she would make me the vampire I was.  We were caught in a loop. Together we would defeat Friar Essex and I would end her life only to return to her past to make her a vampire again. 

    Over and over the cycle repeated.  If she ever suspected she never said anything and for that I was thankful.  It saved me that I was more powerful than she was when I created her for she would be able to read that in my thoughts and that would lead to questions I could not answer.  As it was she accepted what she had become and our lives were whole and complete.

    And together, we lived forever.